I have lived with my boyfriend for five years. When I met him he was estranged from his wife and they later divorced. His daughters blame me for their father’s marriage failure, and because of that, they don’t like me at all. They even refused to meet with me and made sure that I was excluded from anything family related.
Recently he lost his job. At the time, I wasn’t earning enough to pay our substantial rent and support us both. We started to rent a room to a member of my family. Since then, I’ve landed a much better job and saved enough to put a small down payment on a house.
Because he is paying alimony to his ex-wife, his debt-to-income ratio is extremely high and he cannot be included in the mortgage. I will never marry my boyfriend. I was married once and lost almost everything in the divorce. It’s not something I want to do again.
“His friends and family think I’m selfish.”
This is where things get tricky. I will not leave the house to him in my will. Very early on, he let me know that all his financial assets would be passed on to his daughters. I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t want his daughters, who hate me, to take advantage of everything I’ve worked hard to achieve.
I told him that in case I die before him, I will leave the house to my son, but I will establish a subdivision to stay in the house. As long as he continues to pay the mortgage and taxes, he can stay there until his death, and my son will take over.
He is angry and hurt by my decision. I feel like this is the best decision there is. My son would make sure my boyfriend had a place to live, but in the end he will receive his inheritance. Am I wrong? I would like to hear from someone who is impartial.
His friends and family think I am selfish. I haven’t shared this with my family because I don’t want them to think negatively of him.
Your house. Your money. Your will. Your family. Your choice.
Your boyfriend can’t afford to buy a house with you, and you don’t want to tie your financial future to that relationship, and you want to make sure your son has some semblance of security after you leave. If the past year has taught you anything, it’s that anything can happen.
While buying a house is so important to your boyfriend, he can do it on his own terms and at his own pace. He also needs to dance to the beat of his own drum. His goods go to his children, your goods go to your son. He can’t expect to do one thing and get mad at you for doing another.
You face significant headwinds in your relationship. Relationships are tough enough when everyone is cheering you on, but her family has made her feelings clear. They don’t want you in his life. It’s smart to accept their decision rather than going crazy trying to change it.
But you are right. Only a punishment sucker would want the stepchildren – who portray them as the evil stepmother – to ultimately inherit their home, or even share that inheritance. Your stepchildren shouldn’t want to have it all over the place, and neither should your boyfriend.
Mixing assets with a man you never intend to marry and who has significant family and financial issues impacting your relationship would be wrong. Take care of yourself and your son, and let the proverbial shavings fall where they can, anywhere except your own backyard.
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